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Our Lips Are Sealed
Months ago, I received an email from a Dr. Susan Schroeder in Colorado Springs, who explained that everything ages and wanted to rejuvenate Erin’s and my lady bits. EVERYTHING? I narrowed my eyes. ... Read more
Superficial Vains
I picked Erin up from Starbucks, where she lives. I don’t usually “want” to get an IV unless I am in active labor or have eaten sushi from a strip mall (*also with Erin). We rolled up to this super chic IV place in a swanky part of town and were greeted by the second hottest dude I have ever seen (the first was the emergency room doctor who informed me I had gas, not appendicitis). I batted my eyes and casually purred, “I would just like something to reenergize me from all of the pilates and yoga I do. I am super flexible. ... Read more
Here's The Skinny
I was recently contacted by a Coolsculpt representative who wanted Erin and I to have our fat frozen off in exchange for a review of the procedure. Technically, I did not consult Erin prior to agreeing to this, but she owed me. Erin took us to get Brazilian waxes on our last field trip together and then laughed hysterically when I insisted she drive me to the hospital to get a rape kit after. I decided 6:30am was the perfect time to call and inform her of what we were doing. ... Read more
A Hairy Situation
The Korean bathhouse was indeed traumatizing, but the psychotherapy and shock treatments I have been receiving are totally helping. Annnnd while I was homecoming queen in high school, it wasn’t as though I made a shadow box containing my tiara in memorandum of this momentous occasion. People probably assumed I was a stuck up little bitch when I ran off the football field in front of hundreds of people after I was crowned. In truth, this event served as foreshadowing to what would later be diagnosed as a “severe anxiety disorder.” ... Read more
About Lisa
Paramedical Esthetician & Owner, Exclusively Skin ... Read more
Supplemental Income
Three days before I nearly died, I was laying on Erin’s bedroom floor after raiding her closet. *If you ever need to borrow a dress she has quite the selection. In fact, she has her very own expensive department store. You would not know this by looking at her since she wears yoga clothes every.single.day. She swears she’s not depressed. I am totally going to say something if she stops showering. ... Read more
Face It and Other News
You know the friends who tell you how good you look in your yoga pants with yesterday’s make-up on? That you still look good as a platinum blonde; that age doesn’t matter and your skin is glowing? Well, that is NOT ME. Hi, I’m Lisa. In my experience as a paramedical aesthetician, I’ve consulted countless women on the health of their skin and on the state of their lives. What I’ve discovered is, I have a lot to say. Since I’m also a mom, a doctor (regular listener of Dr. Radio), an expert yogi (I do yoga) and a trendsetter (everyone is drinking bone broth now), I can speak intelligently on a myriad of topics. When I don’t know what to say, I make something up. Either way, you’ll learn something. ... Read more
Nerium Gate, Still?
I can’t believe we are still talking about this product (yawn) but I was seriously asked again about this multi-level non-miricle, total crapola, face cream several times again last week. So, here again are my thoughts on this scam product. I was actually shocked because I thought it had somewhat died, but apparently a new group of reps made a new batch of kool-aid and are are hitting the streets hard—offering you a glass. So as requested by many of my patients, here are my thoughts. ... Read more
Here's Your Sign
Ok, so I was totally going to publish a skincare blog this time I swear. {Ok that’s a lie}. I feel like if you are reading my blog only for skincare answers you might just want to make an appointment with me, because lately we have other things to discuss. Like, I don’t think God likes it when you try and make deals with Him. At all. Turns out He’s not the betting kind. ... Read more
And This Is All I Have To Show For My Sixty Dollar Co-Pay
So, I’ve been sick like….well all year. I’m the only person in my family that takes Juice Plus, drinks wheat grass, kale, and spinach, finds my Om’ and continues to house every possible virus that needs a place to dwell. My taco bell eating, not so namaste’, wheat grass despising friends …not so much. They are all healthy and totally annoying the shit out of me. Catch something already. ... Read more
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