Months ago, I received an email from a Dr. Susan Schroeder in Colorado Springs, who explained that everything ages and wanted to rejuvenate Erin’s and my lady bits. EVERYTHING? I narrowed my eyes. ... read more »

I picked Erin up from Starbucks, where she lives. I don’t usually “want” to get an IV unless I am in active labor or have eaten sushi from a strip mall (*also with Erin). We rolled up to this super chic IV place in a swanky part of town and were greeted by the second hottest dude I have ever seen (the first was the emergency room doctor who informed me I had gas, not appendicitis). I batted my eyes and casually purred, “I would just like something to reenergize me from all of the pilates and yoga I do. I am super flexible. ... read more »

Happy New Year, Lovers! Soooo, 2016 was super fun, right? Okay, moving right along….This blog is to clarify to my readers that I have not accidentally joined a cult like some of you believe. Actually, for the record, I’m pretty sure that I accidentally joined a cult in my late twenties but that’s a blog for another time. ... read more »

I was recently contacted by a Coolsculpt representative who wanted Erin and I to have our fat frozen off in exchange for a review of the procedure. Technically, I did not consult Erin prior to agreeing to this, but she owed me. Erin took us to get Brazilian waxes on our last field trip together and then laughed hysterically when I insisted she drive me to the hospital to get a rape kit after. I decided 6:30am was the perfect time to call and inform her of what we were doing. ... read more »

I wanted to go to a Korean bathhouse so I could blog about it. I have a total domineering personality so, it was not terribly challenging for me to convince Erin to go. These bathhouses are all the rage in California. Erin is going to act like a whiney little bitch when she tells her side but, I honestly had no idea that the bathhouse we went to was a covert sex house. Swear. To. God. ... read more »

The Korean bathhouse was indeed traumatizing, but the psychotherapy and shock treatments I have been receiving are totally helping. Annnnd while I was homecoming queen in high school, it wasn’t as though I made a shadow box containing my tiara in memorandum of this momentous occasion. People probably assumed I was a stuck up little bitch when I ran off the football field in front of hundreds of people after I was crowned. In truth, this event served as foreshadowing to what would later be diagnosed as a “severe anxiety disorder.” ... read more »

Three days before I nearly died, I was laying on Erin’s bedroom floor after raiding her closet. *If you ever need to borrow a dress she has quite the selection. In fact, she has her very own expensive department store. You would not know this by looking at her since she wears yoga clothes every.single.day. She swears she’s not depressed. I am totally going to say something if she stops showering. ... read more »

I’m a few minutes early to a meeting so I sit out front in my car. Don’t be nervous. Don’t be nervous. Eeeek, this totally feels like a first date. I finally walk to the door and am greeted by a totally normal suburban mom. She leads me to her kitchen table where I silently sit while she shuffles through papers clearly unprepared. Meanwhile, her dog is Losing. His. Mind. barking in the back yard. I have already decided that her neighbors hate her guts. As I sit, I glance down at a piece of paper with her bio on it. Interesting lady; ER nurse, massage therapist, birthday party face painter and today ……..my psychic. What? Like I’m going to let her paint my face? That would totally break me out. ... read more »

You know the friends who tell you how good you look in your yoga pants with yesterday’s make-up on? That you still look good as a platinum blonde; that age doesn’t matter and your skin is glowing? Well, that is NOT ME. Hi, I’m Lisa. In my experience as a paramedical aesthetician, I’ve consulted countless women on the health of their skin and on the state of their lives. What I’ve discovered is, I have a lot to say. Since I’m also a mom, a doctor (regular listener of Dr. Radio), an expert yogi (I do yoga) and a trendsetter (everyone is drinking bone broth now), I can speak intelligently on a myriad of topics. When I don’t know what to say, I make something up. Either way, you’ll learn something. ... read more »

I can’t believe we are still talking about this product (yawn) but I was seriously asked again about this multi-level non-miricle, total crapola, face cream several times again last week. So, here again are my thoughts on this scam product. I was actually shocked because I thought it had somewhat died, but apparently a new group of reps made a new batch of kool-aid and are are hitting the streets hard—offering you a glass. So as requested by many of my patients, here are my thoughts. ... read more »